Lovely

So much in life seems to be determined by your perception and outlook, but in all reality it always go back to love. When you love you feel loved, and vice versa. Plus and most importantly GOD is love. I think our problem stems from unconditionally love or the lack of it. The Bible instructs us to love men of all sorts, your brothers, your neighbor and strangers alike. Yes, even your enemies. As hard as that may seem, take a moment and meditate on that for a bit. What does it mean to really love your neighbor. Would you give your life for a perfect stranger? Why not, someone gave theirs for you?

As the new year ushers in a lot of people will make promise with all intention to keep them but unfortunately will fail. This time try just loving people in general no conditions, no expectations, just pure love. See how much you life changes or better yet improve.

I have been privileged to know a lot of human beings in my lifetime, I can write a book on each. The one thing they all had in common is that they were each perfectly flawed. But in each I found a quality good enough to imitate. And for that I am grateful, but like I said they were each perfectly flawed, and in each of them I saw part of myself helping me to see that I am too perfectly flawed.

From so many things in my life I have moved on. And as each new chapter is written I make certain promises to myself, almost like a rule or lesson from each chapter helping me to look forward to the next. Even though most ending in some sort of heartbreak or demi-tragedy, I have grown. I am now better equipped for the next. So for all those reading this that was some how connected to my former life, I am bringing back the love.

Today's Bring It Back ...
LOVE

Is It a State of Mind?

What do you do when you have a bad day and you have no one to talk to?
Do you open your arms to the next stranger that finds you?
Do you turn on the stereo, find a good CD or listen to i-tunes?
I think I think, analyze and then think some more, that's what I do.

I remember and replay each moment in my life that lead me to here.
I recount each and every move I made through out the year.

I think of every conversation or whether the ones that aren't so painful to replay
I think of all the things that I didn't but should have or wanted to say.

I have sacrificed so much and in a sense given myself
And all I have learned is that you can't let someone else determine your wealth.

When the chips are low and you are close to down in out, take stock
It is not always going to be easy, but since you will go through a lot
Know that these ones will be there and will not judge you but those that are so easily swayed
Know that you they didn't have your back anyway.

They will pretend to and recount times when they did
But when you no longer benefit them they are gone quick
Then slowly piece by piece you learned about who they really are
Then you will wonder how you let it get this far

How you could be so naive
To sacrifice so much and then be deceived

Because we will all make mistakes that is just what they are mistakes
But when you learn about a person's core and it is not what you thought, you start to feel the hate.

The truth will always reveal itself in due time, that is a universal truth
So maybe you will waste time like my memories arrested in youth
But as much as it hurts today, I know there is more in tomorrow.
Wasting time is not the height of my sorrow.
Not getting what I still want, not achieving a goal, being unsatisfied it my pain
The difference between happiness and contentment, which are not one in the same.

This is what happens when you let your happiness depend on another
When you become so invested that from any slight mistake you can't recover.
All humans are imperfect but capable of love from the start.
That's why the bible teaches us to forgive, because GOD has a heart.

Happiness as a state of mind I don't believe.
Or is it a mind state that I can't achieve.

Poppa Don't Preach

Doesn't really matter that I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl.
He was only the Dude that brought me into this world.

He wasn't there when I learned to walk.
Does it really matter that we don't talk.

He wasn't the one to pick me up after each fall.
I shouldn't even care that he doesn't bother to call.

I found a new father and he loves me unconditionally.
I don't measure my our happiness by what he can do for me.

Even when I can't hear his voice, I know that he cares.
And its his name that I am proud that I wear.

No matter what good or bad.
This type of love I am glad to have had.

Even though he can he does not make me feel judged.
When I am heading in the wrong direction he gives me that nudge.

He doesn't stand before and kick me when I am down.
He doesn't leave me when there is no one else around.

I feel privileged this man to have found.
He took your place, dad, when you weren't around.

It's Over

The pedestal has disintegrated.
No longer do I look at YOU with "child's eyes"
I was wrong but I am not the bad guy.
Even though I miss you, I can ask myself why?
Our difference is that I confessed to my lies.

I can see myself in so many situations.
I look back at the memories that no one can replace them.
Through the hazy clouds I can still see your face and then.
I smile.

I used to think that contentment lead to resentment, but no longer.
It's so cliche but in a sense I feel stronger.
I have found the one thing to finally quench my hunger.
I guess I am saying that I am okay that it's over.

Ode to a Best Friend

This is my never ending story.
With twists and turns could never be boring.
So unique unlike any before me.
But isn't not me but he that should receive the glory.

I tell the tale of the greatest boy.
Quite clever and charming and ever so coy.
The type that I thought I would never annoy.
But ah at last, I was robbed of that joy.

This once upon a time, doesn't end so great.
The fate of my burdens that I tried to escape,
Caught up with me at an alarming rate.
So alone now, its more than one girl can take.

As taught by the wise ones before me, life will go on.
Not everyday a victory is won.
But treasure each day like life's just begun.
But I let my happiness depend on just one.

Trust is a factor that is so hard to build.
It takes years of practice to perfect that skill.
But once its broken, do you start at nill?
Or do you begin a journey thats all uphill.

The future, I am sad to say I can not predict.
Those open wounds I can only try to fix,
But this one friend I will truly miss.
Thats an ode to my best friend.

Redemption

THis is JUst Fun. Writting is theraputic, but really it does not have anything to do with reality really.

Remorse

For some people sorry is just not enough.
Even when followed by 'I love you', candy and flowers.
For some people love is not enough.
Sometimes forgiveness is not within their powers.

I know that I'm sorry is not enough
But that is all I have left to give.
I beg until all tears have dried up,
Because I need you to forgive.

We will all make mistakes, you see
None of us are perfect.
All I am asking from you, you see
Is that you find that I am worth it.

I feel the ache in my bones
For each time I mistreated you
Through my heart and soul I loved
Yet this point is not in first view.

I wrong once, twice
Maybe even three times.
But it is not the quantity, you see
It is the quality of this crime.

I never quite imagined
I could hurt an individual this deep.
Because throughout my lifetime
That hurt individual was always me.

Maybe the world will never understand
The amount of hurt I went through.
I know I could never understand
Just how much I would miss you.

Regret

I had a dream yesterday
and you were in it.
I had a dream yesterday
and I dreamed we were finished.
It started off like any other day
calm, cool, collective.
Then all of a sudden clouds rolled in
and I lost all perspective
I remember yesterday just like today,
it makes it all the more painful
All the memories come flooding in
and now my heads drowning full.
If I could turn back the hands of time
what would I change?
If I could erase the bad times
I would never hurt you again.
I would hold out my hands
never letting go and protecting you from harm.
I would laugh harder, care more
and be infatuated by your charm.
I wish it would happened differently
this dream of mine.
I wish it didn't affect today,
or that I could press rewind.